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I’m Disabled: He Walked Out
Question
My husband of 30 years walked out on me Aug.8. He has been having an affair with a close personal friend of the family. I am having a very difficult time accepting this situation, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically, due to the fact that I have a number of health problems, including Chronic Severe Depression and Fibromyalgia. I am seeing my MD, plus a Counselor weekly, and am taking numerous medications, but nothing seems to be helping.
I am just about at wit's end. My ex is refusing to support me, and I can only work a part time job. He is also trying to get my 4 adult children to testify against me in Court, saying that I am perfectly able to work full time to support myself, but choose to have him support me instead. My MD wants me to apply for Disability, and the Lawyers are taking forever to get this thing settled. Any suggestions on how to cope in the meantime ???? I have run out of ideas and hope.
Answer
First of all, don't lose hope. Divorces are mean events and difficult to live through, but you will survive this transitional period. I don't know what state you're from, but most states follow some sort of legal formula regarding long-term wives and disabled spouses which should tip some of the balance in your favor. If you're truly disabled (and evidently your doctor feels you are) then you aren't able to work full time to support yourself no matter what your spouse thinks or feels. Follow your doctor's advice and apply for Disability; getting it will help ease the financial burden and will also make it obvious in court that you can't work full time.
As far as the attorneys taking forever to get things done... remember that the squeaky wheel gets the attention it needs. Don't be a pest, but do make a point of calling your attorney periodically to inquire about the status of your case. Be firm and persistent. It's easy to get lost in the caseload shuffle of a busy law practice.
As for coping... check out your area for divorce support groups and fibromyalgia support groups and make use of them. A good place to start is local churches, the phone book and the public library. And don't forget the internet; local groups may have web pages online.
~ Mary Stuart, M.A.
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