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Persistent Ex
Question
I have been divorced for a year but my ex continues to phone and send me letters. I don't speak or correspond with him and thought he would get the picture. I have moved twice. How can I get this to stop?
Answer
I don't know any of the history between you and your ex, so please consider my response within the framework of your past experience with him. Also, you don't mention children, so I will assume you don't have any together.
Have you taken the direct route and requested that he stop contacting you? Often we fall into old "married" habits of communication and simply assume our ex-spouses will "know" what we want. That's never a good supposition in any event, but unless you've been direct with him he may indeed NOT "get the picture" without some direct statement from you.
If speaking with him directly doesn't work, perhaps you should consider obtaining a restraining order. Sometimes a legal remedy is the only method of getting an ex-spouse's attention.
You shouldn't have to move just to keep him away from you. If you feel threatened by him or fear he may harm you, you should take more drastic steps to prevent contact. Call your attorney and/or contact the Domestic Violence department of your local police department if you are fearful in any way.
A spouse who hangs on long after the marriage is over needs some professional help for closure. If you can't suggest this directly to your spouse, perhaps a mutual friend could intervene and make the recommendation to seek counseling.
~ Mary Stuart, M.A.
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