Indecision

Question

I am a 28 year old mother of two children who has just been through a very fast divorce. My husband and I were married 9 years. We dated, I got pregnant and we were married courthouse-style about a month before our daughter was born. We have both had problems in our marriage and grew further and further apart.

The past 2 years have been really rough. We always tried for the children, because both of us came from families where it was not always good. He left me in January, and we were officially divorced 3-1-00. I wish we would have not gone through it so fast but I was worried about financial matters and I felt I needed some type of security for my children.

Since he left he has been so cruel with his words and the way he has acted towards me. I cannot understand how you can be with someone for those many years and then disrespect them like that. This weekend he wanted to come home, I said "Yes but only if it is all or nothing," and he agreed. (That is... we get counseling, go to church as a family, have date nights, he doesn't go out with these "friends" he has, and that he come back home to stay.) He said he would. On Monday he changed his mind, then he changed it back again and came home Monday night. Today he changed his mind again and I have miserable, my children are hurt and confused. Did I ask for too much at once? What should I do now?

How can I avoid the feeling of despair and loneliness and wanting him to make me complete? I can't stop calling him. Let me add he lives with a "roomate" (woman) and he was also on pills and alcohol when he left us.

Answer

This guy has been bad news for you from the beginning! I know how hard it is for you with the two children to look after, but the sooner he's out of your life, the better.

You must stop calling him! He will only continue to give you pain and heartache and hurt the children. Talk to a counselor as soon as possible.You're hoping to go back to a relationship that was never there to begin with. Every time you let him back into your life, you're going to be hurt. He's a womanizer who's on pills and booze.

Create a loving, secure family consisting of you, your children, and your extended family and friends. Your divorce was a little like pulling the bandage off -- very painful at first but over quickly. Now you can start rebuilding. The less all three of you see of him, the better!

~ Linda Senn

Other Resources

Ask The Experts--More Questions and Answers

Divorce Transitions Message Boards

Talk Back To Us, Share Your Thoughts

Books and Booklets from Pen Central Press

Article Archives

Resources and Links for Divorce Information

Shopping

View Shopping Cart  /  Checkout

Special Offers!

Divorce Transitions is sponsored by Pen Central Communications, PO Box 220369, St. Louis, MO 63122-0369, 314-984-9805 [phone] 314-821-8482 [Fax] info@DivorceTransitions.com