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Property Division
Question
I am in the divorce process and will be going to trial in November as my husband of 29 years doesn't "Get It" that our State requires that WE divide equal in our State of Washington. He thinks everything is his. I noticed he started referring to his and mine about 6 months before he decided HE didn't want to be married any more... and he has changed from a loving husband & father, Christian, read the Bible daily, good provider and compassionate man, to [being] verbally abusive, drinking, having several girl friends, betrayed his best friendby having an affair with his wife. And lying to his family and our children, deceiving, and unable to emotional connect with our adult children.
They have each asked me who their father really is... he raised them to be one way and he is acting another.
Answer
First things first. According to my sources, Washington is a "community property" state, meaning each spouse retains his or her separate property, consisting of: (1) property acquired prior to marriage; (2) any gifts or inheritances; and (3) any increase in value of the separate property. The judge divides the property that was accumulated during the years of the marriage using various factors in his or her decision.
So if your husband is referring to property he owned prior to marriage or inherited at any time (provided it was never held in joint names), he's right.
If he's talking about that which you two acquired in the course of the last 29 years, he's in for a surprise.
I assume you have a good attorney representing you in this. (If not, get one immediately!) The property division will be in accordance with the laws of Washington and not those set down by your husband.
Now to the second part of your question. Children who are adults at the time their parents divorce have a very difficult time. Although most people assume that, as adults, they have their own lives established and shouldn't be overly upset, the truth is that they've lost their family and their roots. The best thing that both parents can do is to assure the children of their ongoing love, and prove to them over time that home is, indeed, where the heart is. In the best-case scenario, there will be a loving father's home and a loving mother's. However, not all parents handle it in such a healthy manner.
It's even worse when one of their parents goes off the deep end. Your husband has behaved in an absolutely devastating manner, and you and your children have every right to feel crushed and disbelieving. However, it sounds like they grew up in a stable home with a strong sense of right and wrong. Tell them to listen to their instincts. They know that their father's current behavior goes again all that they hold to be dear and true.
In time they may be able to reestablish contact with their father - I certainly hope so. He may eventually turn his life around, and conduct himself more like the parent they grew up with. But whether he does or not, it would be a real shame for the father/offspring rift to go on for the rest of his life. The grandchildren can simply be told that grown ups sometimes make mistakes, occasionally very big ones. And that you all hope they'll be able to enjoy being with him again someday.
In the meantime, let your attorney look after your legal interests and don't both arguing with your soon-to-be-ex. Good luck!
~ Linda C. Senn
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